LASIK play-by-play (no gore...)

This morning I had to clean my eyes and place some Zymar drops in them. At 10 AM, I reported to the doctor's office. First, they ran a few tests, similar to last week's tests. Then, I waited for a bit with some other pre-op patients.

I was given the rundown by the nurse I learned to lovingly call Nurse Ratchett (they will now be getting her a nametag with that on it). She really was nice... I am programmed for sarcasm. I got a hat and footies and some Valium (I welcomed that!). Then lots and lots and lots of intermittent drops. The nurse cleaned my lid area with betadyne (sp?) also.

Dr. Lockhart took a look at me and marked off some parts of my eyes. After that, we went into the operating room.

They had me lay back and hold on to a bear... another thing for which I was grateful. No, it wasn't Doc Smurf and the Care Bears. I probably would have ripped my hands off at the wrist if the bear wasn't there. Nerves plus the unknown.

Above my head was the laser machine. They patched up one of my eyes. For the other one, they put in lid restraints so I would not blink (think Clockwork Orange). The next part was the only part that was painful, and, compared to childbirth, it was a piece of cake, but uncomfortable. They put a covering over my eye that kind of bulged it up a bit. Then the doctor created the flap and pulled it over. At that point, I was ready for the lasers. Twelve seconds later, they were done. Then the flap was placed back into position. I have to say the right eye (the first one) was not as uncomfortable as the left eye. My left eye is whacky... very blinky, crazy reflexes. However now, hours later, the right one hurts like hell and the left one feels great.

I then sat in the waiting room for a bit (picture a big blue La-Z-Boy recliner with nature music playing in the darkness). Intermittent rewetting drops were placed in my eyes. I saw the good doctor again, and then, clad in cool shades, I was on my way. It was like looking in a fog, and still is to a degree. At first, it was as if I had a covering of Vaseline on my eyes. Now, it is equal to falling asleep in your contacts for a few hours... of wearing them for the first time. I definitely feel the edge. Which leads me to my next act of stupidity.

I watch too much House. I have a Vicodin prescription. I could use it or I can just take Tylenol or Advil. So, all I can think of is House's addiction to Vicodin and that WEIRD season finale. So, I try Motrin. Yeah, right. Are you kidding me? That's like giving someone an aspirin for a broken leg. Sent Scott for the Vicodin... I must now eat a normal dinner (for which I am not hungry) before I take one. However, should you have this procedure, take the damn Vicodin.

I have done Refresh lubricating drops every 15 minutes since the surgery. I have also done Pred Forte four of my six times today and have two more sessions of Zymar drops today.

Now, it is 5:45 and I am wearing "fashionable" safety goggles. Max likes the very area on my face that I cannot touch. So, the doctor's office had some handy dandy safety glasses. Scott says I look like Bono. Cool.

There you have it. I am slowly beginning to see (swelling is subsiding), and it is surreal. I keep having to tell myself that I do not have on contacts or "real" glasses.

Tonight, I have to tape on these protective eye pieces that will make me look like a ginormous fly. I will probably sleep in our recliner since I have to be super careful not to knock my eyes. Then, tomorrow morning, I have a checkup to see how I'm progressing.

So far.... very much worth it.