Thursday, September 22, 2011

In Which There's a Little Self Pity

I go about my day-to-day in a day-to-day manner.  There are ups, there are downs.  Yin meets yang.  And so it goes.

Sometimes, the most unexpected thing, however, can stop me in my tracks.  Like a simple video.  I just watched a video of a scrapbooker's nine month old twins.  Adorable!  Yet, there it came creeping back.  That feeling of being robbed.  The two were acting completely developmentally appropriately.  They were starting the babblings of a typical child of their age.  And in the cuteness of it all, I just felt robbed.  

Now, mind you, Ignatius hit fairly regular milestones...surpassed some of them.  He was able to show much of what I had seen in that video.  It was Maximilian who was robbed of these critical milestones.  I am not just wallowing in the past.  We are dealing with that in the present.

He is so proud of himself this year.  He is a "big boy."  A first grader.  He has been in the gen ed room pretty exclusively, with the help of an aide.  The homework comes home, and it is BRUTAL.  Writing and reading.  Reading and writing.  I have never seen a child try so hard to read and write.  I know I should seize the day...he's on his way.  But I can tell that, to Max, being with the other kids in his first grade class is critically important.  However, I also know as a teacher that he is behind where they are.  As his mother, I truly do not care.  He will get to his destination when he gets there.  

What I care about is that I think he will care as the gap becomes more apparent.  What happens when he gets just a wee older and differences are pointed out to him with shocking bluntness that only 4th graders can deliver?  I try to stay in the now, but living with ASD means you rarely get to do that.  You are constantly thinking one step ahead...what might trigger a bad situation?  How might this trip, perhaps your 100th, to the grocery store end in sure and certain disaster?  Once you get him in to Chuck E. Cheese, and he has dealt with that overstimulation, what's your plan to get him out?  What education plan is best for him?  What might be detrimental?  When has damage been done...when did you wait too long?  Did you hover too much?  Did you not advocate enough?

Every parent of a child on the spectrum will tell you that s/he loves his/her child.  But they would be lying if they said there are not days when you just ask why they couldn't be like every other kid their age, at least academically.  Why must they struggle this much?

And then, after your pity party, you wipe off the tears and move back into reality.

Sunday, September 11, 2011

A fitting "Re-Blog"


We Remember

We remember...
...the firefighters
...the police officers
...the veterans
...the civilians
...the innocent victims
...the sadness
...the horror
...the strength
...the American spirit to overcome
...September 11, 2001

Saturday, September 10, 2011

Autism Run 2011

Today, 9-10-11, I participated in my 4th Autism Walk/Run.  The key difference this year? I was a runner, not a walker.

And run I did.  I ran 3.1 miles in 38 minutes and 41 seconds.  It's been a long time since I have been able to finish 3.1 in under 40 minutes. It was epic (for me, at least)!  I think it was also epic for my friend, Sally, who was running her first 5K and was running in honor of her daughter who passed away.  We all do Zumba, and we all feel its positive effects on our mental health, so our group was called the Zumbalicious Runners.

And of course, there was the cause: Autism Society of McLean County.  I am grateful for its outreach to the community and all the services it provides.

This week was also major for me because I hit the 50 lbs lost.  So it's time to look at where I have been and where I am:
Sally and Karen wrapping it up

June 12:
Chest (sports bra on) 39 7/8"
Right arm 14 1/2"
Left arm 14 1/4"
Waist  33 7/8"
Hips 42 1/2"
Right Thigh 27 1/4"
Left Thigh 27"
Weight: 194.6 lbs 

July 10:
Chest 39 1/4"
Right arm 13 1/4"
Left arm 14"
Waist 33"
Hips 42 1/2"
Right Thigh 26 1/2"
Triumphant (and sweaty) at the finish
Left Thigh 26 1/2"
Weight: 195.6 lbs

September 10:
Chest 38 1/2"
Right arm 13 1/2"
Left arm 14"
Waist 32 1/2"
Hips 42 1/2"
Right Thigh 25 1/2"
Left Thigh 25 1/2"
Weight: 188.8 lbs

In other Plato news, Ignatius participated in the Woodruff Invitational in Peoria today, which is why he could not run with me.  He ran 3 miles in 22 minutes, 50 seconds--a personal record for him.  He keeps shaving off time!  So proud of his efforts!
105th finish

In all, a fine day for the family.