Pretending

As a child of the 70s, I did a great deal of pretending.  Even though many people judged TV as the harbinger of doom that would forever change our generation into a bunch of coach potatoes, most of my friends and I played outside or at each other's houses.  What did we do?  Pretend.

We were Luke, Han Solo, and Lea fighting Darth Vader.  We were the Hardy Boys solving a mystery.  We were the Pink Ladies.  We made snow angels and chad snow ball battles.  Recent WWF moves were re-enacted (most of the time with me as the guinea pig, but I digress).

No, this is not a walk down memory lane or an intro to a lecture about the evils of technology.  It is a reflection on something VERY challenging for children on the autsim spectrum: pretend play.

Ignatius would often be seen having many worlds going on inside his head.  He would walk down a store aisle with me as his fingers were going a mile a minute making some bizarre gestures.  He understood what he was doing.  In his pre-school years, I recall a chat with one of his teachers who presented this concern, "JoLynn, he just goes over to the corner and reads."  At the time, I chalked it up to yet another characteristic of introversion, and saw nothing atypical about it.  He was just making different choices than other kids.  That was allowable.

Max made similar choices for play.  He preferred repetitive things, like his ball table or spinning the wheels on a car, or lining up pieces of a puzzle.  He was not interested in engaging in pretend play.  I had been down this road before.  Although he pretended to be at his favorite thing---a car wash---his play was repetitive.  He often wants to do these things alone.

I have to add, this was one area in which I felt a little cheated.  I LOVED pretending as a child, I LOVE to act on a stage, and I believe I became a teacher because I LOVED playing make-believe with kids.  The incentive for many of these things were my own... not requiring adult micro-management.

This week, finally, after six years, Max gave me a little gift.  He typically plays with the little rubber edges to our workout mats (they become part of the car wash repetition).  This week, they became magic wands!  We turned his dad into a stone (that was particularly fun for me).  He has also had patches of make-believe here and there that I am sure have been building through his socialization at school.

So, what's the big deal?  My personal opinion is that pretending gets us ready for the big game.  I have watched both of my kids struggle to make social connections with others... to engage in play or show they did not wish to engage in play with others.  Pretending is practicing for the multiple social mergers we all do in life.  It's a risk-free time to try out conversation and see if we can get another to play along with the scenario we are creating.

Those with kids on the spectrum are not always given this opportunity.  I appreciate the blessing.  Carpe diem!