Today, I am waxing philosophical about my generation of parents. We have the opportunity to open up a world for our children that is beyond anything we could have imagined when we were younger. With opportunities come responsibilities.
Portable electronic devices
We can now have access to our children anywhere there is cell phone service, and that is just about anywhere. What a blessing! They can grab information anywhere they need it from small handheld devices with network capabilities. The world is literally at their fingertips.
But they don't need them at dinner. And they don't need them at church. And they don't need them to avoid a conversation. It's so easy to make the iPad the new babysitter. I came face to face with this on Thursday night. There was an Open House for Autism Camp in my son's school district. This is an extended school year program specifically for students on the spectrum. It is to bridge both academics and social skills for the students. Many parents brought their kids to the Open House, but I am still wondering why. Many of them sat with their Samsung Galaxy or their iPad or what have you... totally ignoring the speakers. Now, granted, Max did not last long, either, but that was due to the fact that it was a large crowd in a school cafeteria with horrible acoustics. Scott walked around with him and let him explore the school rather than let him sit there and ignore the world as he delved into a game.
Being at everything
I am still fuzzy on how this started. It was somewhere between when I was a kid and when I became a parent. I am reading a book right now about teaching literacy in the classroom. One of the core parts of this method
goes well with my philosophy of teaching: stay out of the way. There is a LOT being said right now about teachers getting students to be "college ready." The US Congress is discussing re-authorizing the Elementary and Secondary Education Act (ESEA), lovingly dubbed "No Child Left Behind," as it will sunset in 2012... a school generation after its ill-advised conception in 2000. The reauthorization, we are told, will be tweaked to stress college readiness skills.
My question is: What are college readiness skills in 2012? It isn't your parents college readiness, that's for sure. I went to college with a typewriter, and graduated 4 years later in 1991 using 5 1/4' floppies and the earliest version of Word Perfect (black screen, green font...holla!). Within 10 years, I had e-mail and the Internet at my disposal. I had graduated with an online Master's degree. Times are a-changing rapidly.
As parents, we can provide our children with laptops, cell phones, iPads, and, oh yeah, money...whatever the college believes is needed for an education. But we MUST provide them with skills of independence. How are we doing that by micromanaging? Do we really need to be at everything? I am not talking about the big things, like games and graduations, and such. I am talking about practices. I am talking about being at every game. I am talking about interfering with the coaches and what they are trying to teach the children (that is not our generation of parenting, but it's becoming way too commonplace). I am talking about constantly contacting teachers and fighting children's battles for them.
Remember the chant, "Let them play!" It rang in my head as I took Ignatius to the park when he was younger. Full sized adults on playground equipment. An anachronism to the highest degree. There's a reason we don't fit down the slide anymore. It's because the intent is for the children to play and potentially socialize with other children.
When I send my son to college (or whatever school he needs for animation) in 4 short years from now, my goal is to give him the gift of independently making decisions that are in his own best interest. I hope to send him with the ability to problem solve, to work with other people, to be known as the dependable group member and not the slacker. I hope to send him with the skills to advocate for himself, to respectfully disagree, and to always be polite to others. At the same time, I want him to be able to stand up for himself and let a bully know that his parents will support him giving a good ass kicking when called for (sorry folks, with boys, sometimes, it's called for). I also want him to acquire the gut instinct when the odds are stacked against him, when things are not safe, and when he needs to remove himself from a situation. Those are some heavy duty goals.
I know, I know. If we're not at everything, our kid might miss out on something. Yes, the ability to listen for important information and relay it to the people who need to hear it. That's what they miss out on.
Jacks of all trades, masters of none
I was involved in an incredible amount of activities when I was younger. I was not pushed into any of it. I wanted to do it all. That meant going to school on the bus at 7, having track practice after school until 5, walking to Wendy's for some dinner, returning to a 6:30 - 10:00 PM play practice, and waking up the next day to do it again. That meant spending Saturdays at volleyball tournaments without my parents because I did not need them to be there as I sat through a bye and chatted with my friends. (They did come for some of the games though.) It meant one parent taking and another parent picking up from weekend basketball games when I was cheering (called "carpooling"). It was all commonplace. I did not feel rejected. No therapy needed. I could care for myself. That was the underlying theme.
Why do we believe that our children must be involved in 10,000 activities at our urging? Why are we unable to just give kids time to play... to chill out... to (gasp!) do nothing... to self-entertain... to possibly play a (non-electronic) game with a sibling?
Don't get me wrong
I sound as though I am beyond reproach. I am not. We all get sucked in.
I love all things electronic. I am typing on my laptop right now. I enjoy the socialization of social media (Facebook especially) and playing Words with Friends. Ignatius just got off the Wii (he has a 1 hour time limit) and Max just got off the iPad. What's going on now? Ignatius is helping his dad in the yard (oh yeah, there's reluctance, but one day he'll realize the value of what his dad is teaching him... and I mean being able to do something instead of paying someone else to do it), and Max is "making money" from paper and making his own wallet out of paper. Am I directing any of this? Nope. Do my children feel unloved? I challenge you to prove that one.
