Every dad has his challenges

Autism is a marriage-ender. That's what I have read. The overwhelming amount of divorces occur because there is little to no time to work on the couple that started it all. Individuals in the marriage miss the needed attention to some part of the couple's relationship that had to take a backseat to the 24/7 micromanaging of autism. If what is missed is missed acutely enough, the marriage dissolves.

These realities cause me to write today with gratitude about my husband, who also happens to be the father of my children, both of whom have ASD. I can't imagine trying to raise the boys on my own, but I also can't imagine a better choice for a dad than theirs. Granted, we both have moments of sheer and utter despair. Moments when Max screams directly into his ear and he can't hear for about 10 minutes. Moments when, because something wasn't put exactly where it needed to be put on the table, we need to hold the contents of the table, and all of its chairs, while the meltdown ensues. Moments when all we want to do is make a "quick" run to pick something up at the store, but cannot just go in and out without making plans similar to military combat tactics. Moments when we ask Ignatius to follow multi-step directions only to be met with his confused face. Moments when our 13 year old is frustrated to tears as to why he cannot handle stress the way some of his peers can, and why they think it's funny when he has a meltdown.

However, despite what is difficult in our parenting, my husband loves our children. It is evident to me on a daily basis. He helps them when they need help. He muddles through his frustrations to work with their issues. The boys adore him, quite literally. And when they draw something that is amazingly creative, or say something particularly profound, or finally reach a developmental milestone on which we have been working for what seems like forever, or simply when we watch them sleep in a peaceful slumber, his face shows how much he adores them in return.

Is he perfect? No. But neither am I, and it's never been my expectation that he would/should be perfect. He does the best he can with what he has each day. I think that's true of ALL good fathers. They do the best they can with what they have each day. So, to all fathers out there doing the same, I applaud you and say, "Happy Father's Day!" Your children (and their children) are the true beneficiaries of a strong and loving dad.